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I cannot, for some reason, work up the nerve to delete my OKC account. I really want to as i have completely given up (or rather i want to give up.) I guess for whatever reason, no matter how many time a girl fucks me over, turns me down or just simply disappoints me; i still have hope. I do not understand why. It would be nice if i can just turn on a button that makes me attracted to anyone i want to, or need to, be attracted to. I have met a fair amount of females that are genuine... But that i am not attracted to.

And, i really do like to answer the questions that the site gives me. It entertains me when i am bored. As far as meeting people... It hasnapos;t been a total loss. I did meet Sarah and Frances through OKC and they have turned out to be good friends. So, i cannot complain too much. However, with each day that passes me, i grow more and more lonely, bitter, and somewhat desperate.

Being 22 and still never having experienced an anniversary, not even a happy 4 months celebration, sucks. I really would like to know what it is like to have a fairly functional and stable relationship. Every time i meet someone now... I know how it will turn out and it is really redundant and almost pointless. The worse part... Is they almost never can be honest about their feelings. A simply "not interested" or "not interested anymore" would be nice instead of me wasting my time and energy to try and continue a conversation with you.

Anyone out there that DOES have a crush on me or is remotely curious about me, i urge you to come out and say so. I am approachable if that is the issue. Don;t be scared of being turned down or anything... Maybe that is the problem. Maybe other people are just as scared and shy as i am when it comes to approaching someone.

i donapos;t know.

Another thing that i just realized while talking to Frances is the disappointment factor. Probably the biggest annoyance is finding a potential someone and then it not going where you wanted it to or hoped to. I almost just dont want people to bother to contact me anymore. But then i would miss out on making new friends because, like i said, i do like having Sarah and Frances as friends.

Frances: I hope you find what you are looking for though, you really deserve someone great I think.
and i was all like: what I want is either nothing or something. Not a maybe.
and i was all like: You know what I mean?
Frances is typing...

i need to shower.
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